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...Ouch.
...We declare a
citizen's arrest: for desecration of public
property.
...The culprit?
...Roberto Benigni--his
Oscar and past achievements notwithstanding--who,
as the director, co-writer, and star of this
live-action, non-musical movie version of the
cherished fairy tale, Pinocchio,
has made a movie far more wooden than the log
that first bounces its way into Geppetto's workshop.
...Somehow Benigni
has taken this resonant, timeless fable about
conformity and responsibility by Carlo Collodi,
about a puppet who longs to be human, reached
into its very heart, yanked out every ounce
of soul and charm and wit and magic, and left
them all on the floor, like so many unwanted
wood chips.
...Here's a movie
that will have you not walking, not driving,
but running to get hold of Disney's animated
masterpiece of 1940 to make sure that you weren't
hallucinating.
...You weren't:
it's the same title, same material, same themes,
same narrative.
...And if the makers
have stayed truer to the source than their predecessors,
well, then they shouldn't have, because nothing
in this version works.
...It overstays
its welcome so quickly, come to think of it,
it seems on purpose.
...From the very
first scene, it registers as overbearing, obnoxious,
phony, and self-consciously cutesy.
...It's also G-rated,
and no one's forgetting or denying that G-rated
movies are in very short supply these days.
But even the very youngest members of the audience
would be better served by virtually any other
version of this story--or any other.
...True, the version
we're getting in this country has been re-dubbed
with an English-speaking cast (including Breckin
Meyer, Glenn Close, John Cleese, Topher Grace,
and Cheech Marin, among others) and that makes
the movie even more awkward and distanced than
it already was.
...But the whole
project is so forced, so overwrought, so bizarrely
cast, so wrongheaded to begin with, changing
the accents and voices and line readings amounts
to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
...Speaking of
which, this movie, Italy's costliest production
ever, has been a Titanic-like
hit there since October, which is nothing short
of mystifying.
...Especially when
you consider that we're attaching no strings
to 1/2-a-star
out of 4 for Roberto Benigni's boyhood fable,
Pinocchio...
...A sugary, strident,
stillborn film whose nose starts growing long
before Pinocchio's does.
_____________________________________________
PINOCCHIO
...Collodi's classic
tale has made its way to the screen in various
incarnations, but the definitive version, the
one you dare not miss, is:
...Pinocchio
(1940), only Disney's second animated feature,
a masterwork of unequivocal joy, bursting with
humanity, humor, and poignance.
ROBERTO
BENIGNI
...Considered by
many Italy's clown prince, Roberto Benigni has
made other recent splashes on American movie
screens:
...In the funny
slapstick farce, Johnny
Stecchino (1991), which he also co-wrote
and directed, he stars in a double role, as
a mafioso and his mild-mannered lookalike.
...And his risky,
ambitious, serious-minded, and heartrending
Holocaust comedy (you read that right), Life
Is Beautiful (1997)--an inspired
fable about coping with tragedy that he also
wrote, directed, and stars in--earns Oscars
for Best Actor, Best Foreign Language Film,
and Best Music, as well as nominations for Best
Picture, Director, Editing, and Screenplay.
An amazing achievement.
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